Toe Trauma

I am not a graceful person. In fact, I'm quite clumsy and prone to accidents. There was the time I tripped over some rope and slid head first into a gravel driveway while running from neighborhood dogs. Or the countless times I've stumbled on stairs or sidewalks and hoped that no one witnessed the slip.
Yesterday, I repeated a mistake I've made often - shaving my legs without my contacts in. I am legally blind without contacts/glasses. Unless you're close enough to resemble a cyclops, I won't be able to distinguish features on your face. Why I would arm myself with a razor in a handicapped state I don't know.

You may laugh, but this is me without my glasses.

I hate shaving my legs, so as usual I was rushing through the motions. I quickly lowered the blade to what I thought was my ankle and took a slice of skin off my fourth toe. Then there was blood. So much blood.
Aaron had gone to run an errand, so I tried to formulate a game plan to get from the shower to the cabinet with the band-aids without staining the towel, mat, or floor. Unsuccessful. In my blind haze, dripping wet, I located the box and found one single package left inside. I grabbed some toilet paper to try to blot the wound and dry the skin and attempted to wrap the band-aid around the stub that is my toe. The skin was too wet and the band-aid was ruined.

I love infomercials that make razor cuts seem like life-threatening situations. Side note: I do not shave my upper lip.

Meanwhile, my toe was still erupting. Who knew a toe could bleed so much? I hobbled to the kitchen, still without corrective vision, and grabbed a paper towel, which I wrapped between my toes. I then cleaned up the blood trail.
After Aaron came home and discovered the blood stain on our bed sheets (woops! Good thing we're throwing them away when we move!) from where I had tried to apply pressure with the paper towel, he constructed a poor person's bandage from a paper towel and masking tape.

In his defense, the scheduled taping clinic last year was cancelled. This being said, I was impressed with the handiwork. Future in sports medicine?
I wish I could say I've learned my lesson. Unfortunately, I know I'll inevitably be in the shower again, armed with a razor and blurred vision, this Tuesday. Shaved legs for OMM are a must.