Lesson Learned

Monday mornings are always hard. Today was especially so. I was reluctant to begin the week, knowing that my last 'free' weekend this semester was over. Sigh. After hitting the snooze button more times than I care to publicly announce, I rushed in to the first Clinical Skills lecture. Mistake #1.
I decided after about the second week of class that these lectures were worthless. Although the lecturers and topics usually pique my interest (Cardiology, Pulmonology, ENT?!), it's akin to setting the bar high for a movie and walking out feeling thoroughly misled and disappointed. An over-abundance of slides, images not suitable for early morning hours, and personal tangents are the hallmarks of these lectures. So every week I've skipped and spent the time studying. Every week Aaron falls for the bait-and-switch. "It looks like it might be a good lecture!" Every week the same response afterward: "I should've studied and not gone." I thought I, at least, had learned my lesson, but apparently not.
Today in lab we were supposed to be doing History and Physicals on classmates (or so we thought), so I incorrectly assumed we would be taught how to conduct H&Ps in lecture. Joke's on you, MSI's [insert evil laugh]! Immediately I was overwhelmed by a sense of deja vu, undoubtedly because I was forced to listen to the same 25 minute speech the professor gives EVERY Monday in lab and anytime he lectures. Don't get me wrong, it has some sound advice. However, I do not have retrograde amnesia and am able to retain information without the assistance of the worst case of redundancy I've ever experienced.
In the break - yes, there's a break in between the TWO HOURS of lecture for this class - I made Mistake #2: not leaving. During the second hour, I charged my iPod and daydreamed about the mound of profitable study time slowly evaporating as he read pages of jokes (Funny, yes. Worth my time, no.) and showed a horrible instructional video of material we'd already covered. 
In short, I have vowed to never attend again. Ever. Short of a free meal (medical school currency equivalent) or test points, I'm not falling for it people.

Residency Fair: Pearls of Wisdom

The school held a residency fair Friday, and although we're only first years, a lot of us took advantage of the opportunity to see what's out there. There were nearly 50 booths set up at the fair, and they represent a fairly small percentage of the specialties and programs available. I have to pinch myself, knowing that in the blink of an eye I'll be looking back at this year from the future I've selected, preparing for graduation and the internship/training that follows. What I wouldn't give for a sneak peek...
My uncle Doug represented Tahlequah's booth at the fair. We had the rare opportunity to spend some time with him by catching a bite to eat at Genghis Grill afterward. Aaron and I look forward to these instances for several reasons. Doug's been through the exact journey we're trekking through now. He's had many of the same professors and has experienced many of the same difficulties, only with four kids to support. While many people love us and try to understand, the empathy, encouragement, and advice of someone who's been through it is priceless, and something that can be trusted. Doug finished near the top of his class and was selected as Resident of the Year. He's now Chief of Staff at Hastings in Tahlequah in addition to Director of its residency program. He knows what he's talking about, and here are a few pearls of wisdom straight from the horse's mouth. If you're wise, you'll take heed.
1. First years, enjoy this last summer before us. There will be plenty of time to study for boards next year, and until we've had Pathology, we won't be able to grasp what's important and its application. We have the rest of our lives to work. Relax, spend time with family, and recharge so we can hit the fall semester running.
2. Don't just impress your attending. The residents have a say in which applicants will be joining them in the future.
3. Talk to someone in the fields you're considering and be realistic about your odds. Have a backup.
4. In rotations, you'll spend the first two weeks every month trying to figure things out. Just about the time you do, you're ready to move on to the next. It's ok.
5. Balance your 'audition' rotations with a variety of electives that will be useful during your internship year. Many attendings are complaining that PGY1s aren't at the level they need to be because they did the majority of their electives in one field (cardiology, radiology, etc.) and aren't well rounded.
Here's to our future selves, who already have it figured out...

What a Day

Yesterday was a very interesting day at the med school. The majority seem monotonous, blending in to one another so that we seem to be suspended in time. An interesting conversation, a standout lecture, a freak outside event - any one of these are enough to make a Thursday stand out from all the rest; all three occurred.
Aaron and I (well, I...Aaron's not much of a chatter) chatted with some lovely ladies from our class in the lounge yesterday at lunch about some intense topics. Our generation's perception that marriage is no longer until death do you part, but rather until one or both are no longer happy or 'in love.' The ever-growing mountain of diseases and disorders incorporated into our knowledge base and the paralyzing fear that accompanies considering if we or our loved ones will one day develop them. The latter thought expanded into a debate concerning genetic testing before having children, and whether or not you'd want to know if you will likely one day succumb to Alzheimer's or Huntington's or some equally tragic disease in which the very essence of 'you' dies before your shell of a body does. Ultimately, deciding that it's best not to know. Heavy stuff for lunch, but a welcome reprieve from studies.
On a lighter note, we have a new professor in the Bacteriology block of our Micro class and he is hilarious. He reminds me of a good 'ole country boy that may not sound smart but has intelligence to spare. My favorite quote of his was, "I'm 70 years old. I can say whatever I want." I think we're all thankful for that attitude, because the word gems that come out of his mouth are priceless.
The last memory of the day was the most unexpected. We walked out of our Bacteriology clickerfest (essentially, an electronic quiz) to the sight of firetrucks and flames engulfing a house across the street. The smoke was so thick, and due to morbid human nature, or the fact that we're mentally shot by the end of the day, or sheer curiosity, a group of us gathered to watch for several minutes. Luckily, no one was in the house, and it wasn't the home of any of our classmates that live in the neighborhood.

What. A. Day. Here's hoping today is just as interesting - minus the fire.

Spring Fever

I'll be honest. Spring is my least favorite season. In Oklahoma, it's extremely windy all the time and can be quite rainy. It's cold in the mornings and at night but warm in the afternoon so that I'm never the right temperature in the outfit I've chosen. And the allergies...oh, the allergies.
However, with only four exams left until finals that are evenly spaced, even I have Spring Fever. The weather seems gorgeous and I can conjure up a million daydreams of picnics in the park, flying kites, and the scent of new blooms. These thoughts are especially nice to escape to now that the air conditioning is not working in the library and the fact that I haven't met my vitamin D requirement in, oh, 8 months. Dream I shall. Here are a few items with which I'd like to celebrate the season:

 

Love these sandals with a slight wedge from Aldo. Bonus: they don't cost $70. I refuse to cough up that much for that little material.

This shade of coral would be perfect on my toes in those sandals!

 Simple. Classic. Elegant. I am absolutely head over heels in love with this dress from White House Black Market. WHBM and Ann Taylor Loft will dominate my closet when I become a physician.

 Black and brown done well? No easy feat, but Kimchi via Urban Outfitters accomplishes it with this bag. It would pair with absolutely everything.

 

MAC eyeshadow in Gleam would be perfect for those days that I make minimal use of makeup. Let's face it: it's for those days that I decide to wear makeup period. Dust this pinky gold all over my lids and I'm good to go. 

What better way to face the cats and dogs than with this Vera Bradley umbrella? Add some cute rain boots and hello, puddles. 

Ah, to have the budget to afford these things. PC or not, it is one of the many reasons I am training to be a doctor. Now back to studying so that I can one day splurge on that dress...

A New Approach

It was back to the grind today. I was kept up all night by a horrible cough, and the cough medicine I took made me extremely drowsy when I finally got to sleep, so I slept in this morning. Apparently it was a wise choice, as lectures were not profitable (according to Aaron). Our Renal Physiology exam got moved to the following Monday from when it was originally scheduled. As usual, some of my classmates are ecstatic about a free weekend, and others are upset because it alters plans they had already made. All I know is that this semester has been a wild roller coaster, and nothing in our schedule is set in stone. And that pleasing everyone is never a possibility. Man, med school is great at life lessons...
I have absolutely been dreading finishing the remainder of the semester. I liken it to the last days of summer, when you want to enjoy yourself as much as possible before school begins again, but the latter is ever present in the back of your mind. My parents did all they could to encourage me, and as an act of appreciation, I decided to let some of that positivity sink in. I like Physiology. It's my favorite subject, always has been. If ever I were to retire from medicine and go back to get my PhD to teach, it would be in Phys. The material is interesting...I enjoy reading interesting material. Therefore, I am approaching the knowledge to master for this Cardiology Phys exam on Wednesday as such. I'm pushing aside the feelings of dread and procrastination I automatically associate with anything to do with preparing for an exam. Instead, I'm attempting to read the Board Review book and other study aids for enjoyment. It may be the epitome of nerdiness, but it's working. I may not be able to apply it to other classes (such as Micro - blah, Bacteriology), but it's getting me through these next few days. And towards a weekend devoid of the pressure of an impending exam. Minor victories - in reflection, they're how I will win this war.

Movies, Mortification, and Memories in Fayetteville

I can't believe Spring Break is over. It absolutely flew by; I feel as if it were a good dream that I've awoken from and desperately want to return to!
Despite a sinus infection, Aaron and I had a fabulous time with my parents in Tahlequah and on our little getaway to Fayetteville to visit my sister. Here's a recap:

Thursday

Aaron tinkered with the Tahoe, which has been leaking antifreeze, before we headed home. We just had the transmission replaced (ouch), and now the air conditioning is not working. This would be fine if the AC in my car was working, but that went out last summer and we didn't have the grand to repair it. One of the good things about medical school is that it puts many things into perspective. Instead of getting very upset and throwing a mini tantrum/pity party of sorts, I just laughed and enjoyed the perfect weather with the windows down on the drive. It's things like this that I'm sure I will refer to many times in the future when our kids complain about material things.
My mom had decorated the dinner table for St. Patty's day and it was so cute! I forgot to take a picture, but if she posts it on facebook I'll steal it. We had roast with potatoes and gravy and the most fabulous beer bread you've ever tasted. I knew I was home.

Friday

Aaron and dad saw a movie while Mom and I shopped at the mall. She bought me a leopard print cardigan in gorgeous shades of yellow and gray that will complete my Easter outfit, as well as some amazing earrings and a pair of sunglasses - all for under $40 after sales and coupon calculations. Full price? We laugh in the face of it.
We then saw Unknown. I love Liam Neeson, and he didn't disappoint. There was a twist in the plot near the end of the movie that none of us saw coming (and my dad always sees them coming). Definitely worth your money.

 Macee came back and spent some time with us at the hotel and showed us this video, which has been deemed as possibly one of the worst. Of all time. Let me just say I would never be able to show my face again in public, and that whoever funded this train wreck can kiss that investment goodbye. Bless her heart.

Saturday

We perused Pack Rat, a store in Fayetteville that has anything and everything for outdoor adventures. Mom ordered some Chacos and dad found some shoes for their upcoming trip to Turkey and Greece. Can't wait until Aaron and I have the funds to join them...

We watched a matinee viewing of The Lincoln Lawyer. It was hands down one of the best movies I've seen in the last few years. Suspenseful, full of action, great plot, excellent acting, and an ending that makes you want to slow clap. Best of all, there was no nudity and little profanity, which is sadly a rarity these days. Funny, when a movie has substance there's no need to add these things!

I want to cry when I realize I won't get to spend time with my family like this again for another two months. The funeral march is playing in my head as I think of the reality that will be waiting for me tomorrow morning...

Vintage Discoveries

This break has been exactly what the doctor ordered (mwahaha). My parents came up on Tuesday to treat us to a day out and we had a fabulous time together. We toured the Mayo 420, which is a historic building that they've completely remodeled as loft apartments. It's in the center of downtown, which is burgeoning with new shops and restaurants. It's an amazing mix of history and charm with modernity, and Aaron and I were very impressed. Possible move in our future? Maybe...
My mom and I had some adventures in the mall while Aaron and dad relaxed at Barnes and Noble. Dad found 25 bargain books for his personal library (you should see his professional library) - this is not an uncommon occurrence. He will most likely have them read in a month.
Yesterday Aaron and I headed to an antique shop that I've been dying to revisit since my sister and I discovered it last year. I was specifically looking for individual tea cups and saucers for the tea party I'm throwing for my mom's birthday. There was no shortage, and i ended up not being able to resist this one:

Isn't the color gorgeous? The shape is very unique and I love the gold design encircling the rim. $9? Yes, please!

The best shopping excursions, in my opinion, are when you not only find exactly what you were searching for, but you discover a gold mine of sorts unexpectedly. We hit the jackpot. There was a section devoted entirely to historic medical books, apparatuses, and memorabilia.Old visual acuity machines, an antique stethoscope, texts dating back to the early 20th century. My favorite find was a diploma dating back to 1914 awarded to a man who had completed a fellowship in surgery; it was held in its original frame. Sadly, we are not yet doctors and thus couldn't scoop up all these treasures, but I hope to slowly collect rich pieces of our profession's history like these in the future. We purchased 7 antique texts for our collection.

 The oldest copyright dates back to 1914. It's going to be interesting to see the philosophies, explanations, and treatments contained within these texts.

This was one of my favorite finds. Many of the books we found contained personal scribblings from past owners, including one from a medical student of years past making a notation of an impending exam on a Friday. The inscription above? Dated 1923. It fascinates me. I still have my eye on that stethoscope...

Highlights from the Most Challenging Week So Far

This past week was the roughest I have yet to encounter in medical school, and ranks very high as one of the most challenging in my entire life so far. It left me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. Barren, even. However, God is so good to lay my burden on others' hearts. Others who give me encouragement and wisdom and peace so that the internal struggle I've been facing no longer seems impossible to overcome. The thing that made the largest impression upon me was my mom saying that God doesn't just want me to be a physician. He has more planned for me. Things that require me to grow as a person, and situations in which I will need to draw upon the lessons I'm learning through this trial. Medical school is challenging me in more ways than I ever imagined, and I know the end result will be a stronger me, more prepared for God's purpose for my life.
That being said, there were some moments that definitely brightened the week.

 

I ordered The Hunger Games trilogy from Barnes and Noble with a Groupon I'd purchased a few weeks ago. Aaron and I have been reading it aloud to each other and just finished the first book. It's actually a teen series, so it's an easy read, which is good because I don't have the mental capacity to analyze a novel right now. I look forward to our evenings, as this is how we spend time together before going to sleep.  

Aaron and I headed to Target today and I used a gift card I've had for awhile to buy matching outfits for our nieces. There's orange, light pink, and a darker pink in the skirt so they should be able to mix and match with a lot of tops. They're going to look so cute!

 

Love the flower details on the skirt and top! 

The best part of the week was having dinner with my parents and some of the staff at their church when they came up for the Seeds conference at Church on the Move. These are great people with a passion for what they do and who have always shown an interest in my sister and I. Good food (P.F. Changs...yum!), good conversation, and a great reminder that life is all about relationships. I am blessed so richly in this area.
What a week, but I survived, and hopefully learned a lot in the process. We're all works in progress!

Two More Days

To say this has been a rough week would be a massive understatement. I think everyone in med school would attest that this last month has been crazy, and there is no reprieve until Friday. Besides looking forward to the movies I will catch up on, meals I will cook, and numerous game nights I will have there have been some little glimmers of joy this week. Today, I reconnected with one of my lifelong loves-Led Zeppelin. Why did I ever stop listening to them? Seriously, they are the best rock band ever. You can argue with me if you'd like. You will lose. I got in my car this morning on the way to school and rocked out to "Gallows Pole," and it turned out to be some much needed therapy. It's really sad that in the last semester and a half I forgot how much I like to sing. I've also found that things I thought were necessities have been put on the back burner. Working out and washing dishes just aren't as important as studying and spending what free time I have as quality time with my wife. In Neuro class today, one of our professors was talking about the schedule of upcoming lectures. She offhandedly mentioned that we would talk about sleep after Spring Break, everyone laughed, and she didn't understand why this was funny. Obviously because she hasn't been to med school, she doesn't realize that sleep is a luxury and is often pushed back like many of the other important things in our lives.

In between our Neuro lecture exam and our lab exam, we had an hour and a half break (seriously !!?) during which I had to do a little soul searching. We had just walked out of the most difficult test-hands down-of our lives. That's all I'm really going to say about it. During my down time, I stumbled upon a passage from 2 Samuel Chapter 22. I'll share a small part of it with you (though in retrospect it is still long).

30 In your strength I can crush an army;

with my God I can scale any wall.

31 “God’s way is perfect.

All the Lord’s promises prove true.

He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

32 For who is God except the Lord?

Who but our God is a solid rock?

33 God is my strong fortress,

and he makes my way perfect.

34 He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

enabling me to stand on mountain heights.

35 He trains my hands for battle;

he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.

36 You have given me your shield of victory;

your help has made me great.

37 You have made a wide path for my feet

to keep them from slipping.

38 “I chased my enemies and destroyed them;

I did not stop until they were conquered.

39 I consumed them;

I struck them down so they did not get up;

they fell beneath my feet.

40 You have armed me with strength for the battle;

you have subdued my enemies under my feet.

41 You placed my foot on their necks.

I have destroyed all who hated me.

Pasted from <http://www.youversion.com/bible/nlt/2sam/22/40>

This is a song of David after one of his victories. It is just so powerful. Though the trials and battles I go through in my life are nothing compared to the literal life and death struggles of many other men, this really inspires me. Every minute of every day, I have to choose whether or not I will try to accomplish God's will for me (that is after I know what His will is). God sometimes asks things of us that may seem impossible, and often they are impossible on our own. I know that God always has my back. He will never let me fail in any endeavor that He chooses for me.  He is my strength, and my rock, and my shield, and so much more. And when I don't have the strength or ability to do something he asks, I know all I have to do is rely on him. He won't let me fail.

And I made it (through yesterday anyway). The Neuro exam is over; now on to Virology. I think I am trying everything I can to keep from studying. It seems again like the workload is insurmountable. I've highlighted such a high percentage of words in my notes that it hurts to look at the pages. I think I might invent a new study tool for med students. You would use it just like a highlighter, except you would mark over the less important words and make them duller. I'm thinking the Low-lighter would be an adequate name. Think about it. It would save time and not blind the user: win-win. Finally, in light of our upcoming test, I will leave you with something incredibly nerdy that made me smile.

I shall seek and find you...

I shall take you to bed and control you..

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan...

I will make you beg for mercy...

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you...

And you will be weak for days.

All my love, ..................

The Flu

Aaron

Med School Jeopardy?

Today was Microbial Jeopardy: Virology Edition. In order to encourage class attendance at the "lab" on Thursday afternoons, which is really a way of squeezing in two more lectures, the professor had us split ourselves into teams and answer questions to fictional cases he created, Jeopardy-style. The points counted towards a percentage of our exam grade - guaranteed attendance. Highlight of the experience: our professor's shirt, which read "Got Herpes?" on the front and "Collect all 8" on the back. Oh, academia humor. Scary thought: the majority of the population has at least half and doesn't know it (ahhh!!!): think happy thoughts.
Several med school wives made t-shirts for their husbands' team and came up to the school to see the finished product at lunch. In other words, I got my baby fix for the day :)

 Little Miss Hadley eating lunch with the rest of the ladies and gents. I could kiss those cheeks for hours!

 Jai supporting his daddy before Jeopardy. I'm sure he would've given him a pep talk if he could talk ;) He is very into clapping and saying "Yaaay!!"

I would've gotten a picture of the other Miss Hadley, but she was too busy jumping on the couches and watching her super cool sparkle light-up shoes work their magic :) I did find out we have something in common: she loves "mermaid" (Ariel!).

 "Team Herpes." 8 different types of Herpes, 8 men. Rob's shirt didn't come out as precise as the others, and Janelle very aptly stated that he had an outbreak.

 The back row of our team. Grumpy on the right was upset we didn't have coordinated t-shirts.

 I'll take Tippy Transplant Recipient for 3 points, Alex... 

I will not approach the major flaws of our version. All I can say is it was extremely anxiety-inducing waiting to be called upon. As luck would have it, our team and Team Herpes were the last two teams who had yet to have been called halfway through Round 2. I was sweating profusely for two reasons at this point: Dunlap Auditorium felt like a sauna, and the odds for being called kept climbing.

Team Herpes finally got called!

Our team reached the minimum number of points and sat out before my name was drawn. I think God knew I couldn't handle much more today. 9 days to Spring Break and counting...

Welcome to My Carrel Wednesday

While most everyone else will surely be posting "What I'm Loving Wednesday," I'm taking a different route and giving you a tour of my new home. It's smaller than I'd like and doesn't have much (any) natural light, but hey, it's a study carrel buried in an underground library.

I hired an interior designer (I paid myself in cupcakes) who decorated the 'walls' with pictures of my family and friends attached to decorative scrapbook paper. The pictures help make the little cubicle more colorful and less depressing. More importantly, they remind me of one of the primary reasons I've chosen this temporary hell (maybe a little harsh, but some days it sure does feel like it): to fulfill the purpose for which my loved ones have given me constant support, and to one day bless them in more ways than I can count.

If you've read my blog since I began posting in January, this is the 'craft project' we constructed in Neuro lab after our first exam. It didn't make the fridge, but it did make the carrel. I'm saving it for my future children to hang above their cribs as a mobile...actually, it will be deposited in the trash shortly after finals. :)

Kleenexes for my ever-present allergies, vanilla diet Dr. Pepper from Sonic, and a pink highlighter. These are the things that get me through the day.
Our second Neuroanatomy exam is coming up this next Tuesday. They've warned us that the difficulty level will be much greater than the first exam, so everyone is in a bit of a panic mode that I'm sure will escalate through the weekend. I started last night and will probably be putting in 5 to 6 hours a day in addition to lectures/lab between learning the brainstem for this class and memorizing characteristics and mechanisms of 118 viruses for the Microbiology exam next Friday. Spring Break cannot come fast enough...and until then, this is where you'll find me!

Weekend with the Sis!

My sister Macee came up to visit us this weekend. As always, we had a blast, and as always, I felt like she had to leave too soon. She came Friday evening bearing gifts - strawberry petit fors and an iced sugar cookie from my absolute favorite bakery, Rick's, in Fayetteville. It's a magical place. I'll leave it at that for now.

Isn't that so pretty? It tasted even better than it looked.
Saturday afternoon we perused Target and Barnes and Noble, two of my favorite places to browse and unwind (yes, I unwind at Target - pronounced Tar-jay). Macee found the cutest bikini for our upcoming days on the beach and I found a tankini for my mom, who apparently did not know that it's necessary to have more than one swimsuit. Oh, the extravagance. If I had her abs, I might have a swimsuit collection to rival my shoe collection...
Before heading to the school to study (there are no free weekends in medical school), we stopped by Kupcakes, which showed up on my radar a few weeks ago. Macee is now officially addicted after devouring the Lemon Drop cupcake she chose - she literally mmm'd or grunted between every bite. I'm surprised I heard it through the mmm's and sighs coming out of my own mouth between chunks of red velvet with mascarpone cream cheese icing. YUM

After a late night of board games with friends and an episode of America's Next Top Model (I saved it just for Macee), we headed to bed. I may or may not have dreamt about those cupcakes.

In honor of the lovely Macee and the fabulous time we spent together, I'll close with only a few of the many reasons why I love her, and often want to be her.
1. She jumps right in to any situation and makes those she's just met feel as if they've known her forever.
2. She conveys this amazing sense of confidence in who she is, what she stands for, and in whatever she may be thinking at the time.
3. She got the witty genes - her and my dad go back and forth, while all I can muster is, "...well, you too!"
4. Everything is more fun when Macee is around. You're guaranteed to have a better time doing the most mundane of things if she's along for the ride.
Love you Macer Moo :)